Yet again the friend of mine who has issues when it comes to saving money had found herself somewhat in the hole. She is trying to get all the hours that she can at my work so she can pay down bills that were racked up in part by her needing to buy shit she really doesn't need but found some excuse for buying anyway.
Let's see...she decided to take a private writing class with the same person who is running the group class that I just started. And then promptly started finding reasons to not attend it. So then she decided to join the class that I'm now in...and then didn't show up to the first class because she was working and then telling my coworker who does the scheduling to schedule her for class days anyway. Why? Because she needs the money.
The first two sets of classes I took with her, and she basically stopped doing the assignments both time before the halfway mark and stopped attending. Throwing her money away and depriving the folks who were supposed to be reading and critiquing her writing of the experience they paid for. And she is going to do the same this time around by using needing money to pay bills and shit. And when I confronted her about it via text her excuse was "I've taken this class so many times before that I don't really need it. I can provide my critique in other ways." Okay, so depriving the classmates of your input DURING CLASS is somehow acceptable? And, despite needing money so bad, you're still throwing money away for a class you aren't attending? Yeah, that makes absolutely no sense.
I finally told her that if money is so tight that perhaps she shouldn't be taking the writing class in the first place, and should stop spending money on stuff she really doesn't need. Why continue to drive herself into the poor house to 'support local businesses'? Why have all this STUFF that she really doesn't need? Why does she keep adding more than she is able to get rid of?
She admitted ages ago that she has a spending addiction, that buying new stuff makes her forget just how shitty things are at the time. A dose of serotonin, if you will. Yet, she will go into her overdraft and try to find a way to not have to pay it off right away? Or her closets and house are so packed with stuff that it's difficult to find space to put anything else. Her partner is basically limited to an office where they can put their own things while the rest of the house is overflowing with crap my friend has bought.
I know that I also have a bit of an issue when it comes to spending money so I'm not perfect, but I've got a better handle on it than my friend does.
She will buy items with the stated intention of flipping them on Poshmark or FB Marketplace, and then it just sits in her home, unused, for ages. I buy things because I need/want them - I don't give a shit about potential resale value because there is no value in an item that you only bought for flipping and then end up not selling it.
Honestly, I think she just keeps making excuses for her spending. Oh, she's got certain brands that she absolutely loves and has to pick up when she finds them dirt cheap. Oh, she's got plans for whatever item that then sits and gathers dust. It wouldn't be so bad if it were a thing here or there that she manages to sell or use, but her basement is starting to get taken over by these things. And then she gets mad when she wants to use/sell any of these items because she can't find them in the hoard she's created. And I think there's the answer: she may be a border-line hoarder who uses shopping as a way to cope with her mental health issues.
I fully understand how shopping makes a person feel good - I do it too. But not to the extent that she does. Even when my daughter would fund my emotional shopping I would not spend anywhere near as much money or rarely brought home stuff that I didn't have an immediate use for, or something I could use in the near future.
She's got closets stuff full of clothing that she swears she will wear and a large clothing rack in the basement full of clothing. Her partner has one little closet and a single chest of drawers for all her clothes. At one point her partner had maybe half a small closet and a couple of drawers, which isn't right. imho. I've suggest maybe she should pare down her massive wardrobe, but her excuse is that she hates wearing the same things all the time and *needs* all the clothing she has, even as she often adds more to the pile. Yet she tells me that I should focus on a capsule wardrobe and cull pieces out of my wardrobe if I no longer wear them. Sure, I do cull clothing out of my wardrobe from time to time, but that's not the point...it's that she's being somewhat hypocritical.
Instead of focusing on the things she should, she's almost always got an excuse. And if you confront her on any of it - even if she has asked you to speak up when she's spending money recklessly and more - she gets all shirty about it, snapping at you because you dared to bring it up in the first place. She states that she is going to therapy to help deal with her mental health, but I have a feeling that she is not talking about her near constant need to spend or her excuses for all the spending.
I've always maintained that people have to spoil themselves a little bit once in a while. I started that back when I was on welfare - once all my rent, bills, and groceries were paid for I would make a tiny splurge purchase on myself and my kiddo. It was always something small, nothing huge or pricey, but just something that I enjoyed collecting, eating, or wearing. Ditto for the kid - a cute toy or piece of clothing, or a fast food treat.
As I got older I did have a couple of times where my spending got out of control. I lost my electricity once due to spending way too much money doing SCA stuff. I lost my landline for the same reason a little over a year later. Trying to make ends meet while on welfare and trying to always have new garb/weapons/feast gear for events was a bad combination. I have lost my electricity here about ten years ago when I had just finished up at university and had just started a new job, having made payment arrangements that the power company then decided wasn't good enough. Well, shit, right? Or losing the internet due to having to pay rent, buy food, and bus passes for the kid and I to get to work. I will sometimes let bills slide a bit if there is something I really want to buy, but I try my best not to make a habit out of it. I also don't have to worry about mortgage payments, car payments, car insurance, and the ridiculous cost of gas either. Rent and utilities, groceries, internet, and transportation are what I mostly have to pay out. The occasional splurge on ordering food in, shopping at Value Village, or buying comics and figurines happen, but nothing too crazy. It's rare that I spend over $100 on any of these splurges, and when I do I make sure that the important stuff has taken priority.
Oh well, such is life. At least it isn't me that is dealing with the stress of figuring out how, despite having a well paying f/t job and a barely above minimum wage p/t job, bills will be paid, credit cards paid down after blowing through them with large shopping sprees, and still be able to afford a trip to Vegas somehow? I'm quite happy with my own small hoard of junk that I'm slowly picking away at as I get rid of things I don't need and can't quite figure out WHY I bought it in the first place. I borrow one of the work trucks lately to save some moolah on taxi fare - for the amount of driving I actually do, the expense of owning a car just isn't worth it for me so unless I get a damn good deal on a used car I'm not buying one. Plus I'm paying for everything on my own now...and still had enough funds this pay period to buy a few things from Value Village that I don't absolutely need but will add to my décor soon enough. I don't have a partner or roomie contributing to any of the bills or other payments.
And as I'm thinking about it, I almost wonder if my friend spends what she does in order to make it appear that her life is so much better than it really is behind the scenes. I don't know, but the longer this goes on the more I wonder.
Anyhow, off to bed with my sleepy ass.
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