And I must be an idiot...or something

 So. A couple of posts ago I walk talking about how I'd removed a toxic person from my life. M.

Well.

Tonight I started speaking to her again.

Why?

Because she did something I fully expected of her to do - she set up a goth FB group of her own as competition for mine, going so far as to name it something very close to what mine had been named up until maybe a week ago. And she made some snide remarks about my group and the modmin team that didn't sit well with me.

I've got my own little spy network and that is how I found out about M's group, and one of my spies decided to stir up a bit of shit over there. It started innocently enough with asking why the two groups can't work together, and then it went from there. There were even screenshots taken from Messenger between M and myself concerning M being removed as an admin, proving that she was twisting her side of the story to suit her own narrative. And that promptly got that spy removed and blocked, and then accused of being me.

M was very hostile to my spy once she got it in her head that she was me, and even accused her of misgendering me - I identify as genderfluid and primarily use she/her pronouns. I mostly present as female, and it's just easier for an old fart like me to deal with. And that is what lead me to unblock her - I felt the need to let her know that I wasn't being misgendered. M was then very hostile to me.

I understand that she was pissed off over how she perceived I kicked her out of my life, and that she fully believes that others have kicked her out of their lives. She doesn't understand that her desire to turn people into her emotional support/family is not a good thing, especially when people have told her several times that they aren't comfortable with and don't want it. Myself included. While I can understand WHY she wants that, I know that I am not the right person for that. I have exactly ONE family member I am that close to, and even then I find myself needing a break from them sometimes...and I gave birth to them!

I basically channeled my old counselor from back when I was angry at the world and self-destructive, and basically turned everything around on her, asking questions to make her think about how she herself would feel if people were doing the same thing to her. I don't know if I made her do much real soul-searching, but M is much calmer now. 

And I refriended her.

Yeah, I know. I'm a fucking dumbass. But I also don't want to give up hope that she can get her head out of her ass. She does have it in her to be a nice person, but she needs to learn boundaries with other people so that she doesn't keep pushing them away to the point that they want nothing more to do with her.

I also know that I will be very careful with her. I don't trust her as far as I can throw her, and I know that she will lash out again if she feels like she's been hurt. Which is why people don't usually tell her in plain words that her behaviour is a problem...because she will feel hurt and then lash out at them.

Ugh. I need to buy more cranberry juice and a bigger thing of vodka...