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The man I love has cancer.

I've known for a couple of weeks now, and I've been doing my best to wrap my head around it. I've also always known that it was a matter of time before he got it again. It's never been an 'if' situation, especially as he's been fighting it off and on for a lot of years. Hell, when I first met him he was dealing with stomach cancer.

I had the chance to spend some time with him today. It was one of his better days - he had some colour to his face, and was up to having sex. He initiated as I'm worried that I'm going to hurt him or something. And it was almost like he was afraid it would be his last time being able to do anything like that with me. He was determined to make sure that I thoroughly enjoyed it. Which I definitely did, as usual. But it was all tinged with a bit of sadness, because who knows how many good days he has left? And all of his exes are making his life miserable because they all think they should be getting something when he dies. Greedy cunts, the lot of them.

Me? I truly don't want anything. I will cherish my memories of our times together. I think this surprises him. Sure, I joke about wanting his everyday car, but I'm not serious about it. I wouldn't say no, however, if he opted to give it to me anyway. I did offer to be the executor of his estate if it comes down to it, because I don't give a flying fuck what his ex-wives all want and I would ensure that his final wishes were taken care of.

We had a good chat about what he is going to stipulate in his will, and all makes sense to me. All his ex-wives have had time to get their own lives set up - it's his kids and grandkids that will be getting the bulk of his estate, whether it be money or items that he wishes to leave them.

He is also having his most recent ex-wife investigated for fraud against him. There have been certain things that have come out of the woodwork concerning her, and it looks like she may have jail time in her future. Whether or not that comes before or after he passes away, it doesn't matter. She's done the crime, now it's time to do the time. Hell, even I've caught her trying to defraud her own mother, for fuck sake. Just gross. And she is under the belief that she will be getting survivor benefits, which she won't. If they were still married, then yes, she would be eligible, but because they aren't married, well, she gets bupkis. Sucks to suck.

I would love to be able to dream about a life with him after his treatments and whatnot, but I'm not allowing myself to do that. I already know that I'm going to be a huge mess when he passes away, but it would be worse if I let myself make all these grand plans for our future, only for it to go up in smoke.

Such is life, I suppose. At least I've had him as a part of my life for as long as I've been fortunate enough to spend time with him. And memories, happy, sad, and everything in between.

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