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A couple nights after my previous post my friend and I talked about how she had gotten on at work. I told her flat out how what she did came across both to me and my big boss. She made some excuses for her actions and why she felt she wasn't in the wrong.

One of her statements left me stunned. Sure, her regulat job (and career) deals with confidential medical information, and she's got a degree or something in medical information, but you don't need a damn degree or even a post-secondary certificate in how to fucking file things. What you need is to be trusted to follow the lead of the person heading up the project. Honestly, I could have chosen anybody employed by the company to help me, but I felt that due to her regular job that she was the best choice in terms on knowing she understands confidentiality AND it gave her some hours that she would not otherwise have gotten. If I'd known she would go above my head and then carry on the way she did when I first tried to explain how her actions reflected on her and effectively undermined me.

The big boss questioned why a friend of mine would do this, and I got the impression that she thought this friend of mine may not be that good of a friend. I'm not touching that with a 10-foot pole.

I know I was shocked by how she attempted to deflect and defend her actions in the manner that she had.

Why?

Because at one point I'm sure she would never had overstepped her bounds the way she did. She would not have left me wondering if she somehow feels that I'm ineffective or somehow below her for not having the same sort of education as her.

I will say that in the past couple of months that I've been seeing a side of her that shocks me more than a bit because I never would have suspected her to have such a negative, rage-filled side to her personality, I had noticed bits of this coming out of her early in the new year, but a few months ago something traumatic happened to her and that seems to be the ultimate trigger for her attitude and behaviour change.

I think the only reason I haven't blown up at her is that there's a good chance that this is her trauma response. And I don't know how to bring it up with her in a way that would be positively constructive. Yet at the same time I feel that I need to say something because it might be a good idea for her to bring it up with her therapist. Or at least make her take a look at how she's been acting lately.

Hopefully I manage to find a tactful way to approach the subject of how she's been getting on before I just end up telling her to fuck off.


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