It's been a *grand* start to 2022, let me tell you!
So, my dental plate broke - the two front teeth snapped off on the back. And guess who doesn't have health benefits due to being laid off? That would be me, of course. Thankfully there was enough of the plastic-y part of the gums on the back of the two front teeth that a bit of Crazy Glue was able to repair them until I can take them in to get properly fixed. I know that it's not ideal, but going without my teeth is even less ideal, so such is life. I have a bottle of crazy glue in my purse at all times now, just in case.
I'm currently laid off work but we're supposed to be going back to work this coming Wednesday. I have no idea what it means for me, but I know that I will be having a discussion with my bosses if I don't get f/t hours like I'm supposed to. I'm not merely a spa receptionist - I'm a front desk manager, and as such I'm supposed to be getting f/t hours. I don't even care if not of my hours come from the management side of things I'm usually in charge of - I need those hours to keep my benefits in place.
The kid decided to act like a total asshole around the middle of this past week. I don't know what crawled up her ass and made her start attacking something she knows I enjoy, and when I didn't automatically agree with her she took everything I said as an attack. While I could see where she was coming from in terms of her opinions about the subject that started it all off, as a writer who actually has some experience behind them, I know why the writers of said universe take the tack that they do when fans get too close to predicting what's going to happen next - who wants to watch something for the first time and have the ending ruined right out of the gate by script writers that are bad story tellers. So what if there is a twist at the end that almost comes out of right field if you weren't paying enough attention to the smaller cues leading up to it. And yes, said universe's writers sometimes completely screw things up with some blatantly horrible story telling. But heaven forbid that I try to defend the writers. I get it, she doesn't like the entire cinematic universe she was complaining about, but what she was complaining about is actually evident in pretty much all TV and cinematic universes, not just this particular one. But she didn't give a shit.
The one thing I said that she took as my first verbal attack against her rant was that if she thinks writing for camera is so easy then perhaps she should give a try. Hell, it's not that easy to write for actual reading, for that matter. The first time I pick up a book and I've got it figured all out within the first couple of chapters means I won't finish the book and likely will never read another thing by the author again. Including authors I'd previously enjoyed, but if they resort to horrible clichés and tropes instead of creating something actually enjoyable, I'm done with them. I have authors I re-read because I enjoy the writing, even if I didn't miss anything the first time through. But that is not something I could get through my kid's head.
So, she carried on with her snit into the next day. It got so bad that I had started looking at what it would cost for me to move out because I was not about put up with such bullshit behaviour over something so trivial. And then she asked me a question concerning leases and rental increases as her partner and her partner's roomies' lease is up at the end of July - I used to be a moderator in a FB group that helped this province's landlords and tenants, both to understand what the Residential Tenancy Act laid out, and to help people on both sides find resolutions that did not jump over into illegal acts.
Of course, with her shitty attitude over the couple of days leading up to this question, my mind jumped to, "Are you planning on moving in with them?" It was an honest question, and when she admitted that she'd already asked the day before when she lost her shit over stupid bullshit I told her that if she wishes to move, that's her choice, but I need some sort of notice first so I can either find another place myself or a roomie of my own, and so we can completely gut the place so I'm not left holding the literal bags of garbage. In the end, I have realized that I will not be able to find a place for the same sort of rent I pay here.
She tried to say that it wasn't her fault the place is so messy, until I pointed out what was hers, and that more than once I'd stopped using more than a mug and a bowl and yet the dishes and mess in the kitchen piled up because of her. She then tried to say that it was still my fault that disposable cutlery and paper plates ended up on the counters and in the sink, until I pointed out that I toss the items I use into the garbage or they stay in my room until I gut it again. So, let's try that again, shall we?
Then she tried so say that her transitioning was my fault, that I was pushing her to do it, and now she's decided to stop taking her meds. Again, I pointed out to her that it was NOT my fault, that I did NOT pressure her into taking anti-androgens, but that I felt that she should be at least taking her antidepressant meds because it was very obvious that she hadn't been taking them. I've ALWAYS maintained that her transition was entirely up to her, especially as the only thing I did in regards to that is push her to see a doctor about them and come up with a game plan - SHE is the one who started researching the necessary meds years before ever going on them, she is also the one who spoke to the doctor about going on them. It was all on her - if she didn't want to take anything, it was her choice, and for her to attempt to say that she started taking them was because she felt I was pressuring her was bullshit.
And then upon sitting back and thinking about everything that has come out of my kid's mouth over the past few days, and talking about it with my best friend, I had a stunning realization. Every word out of my kid's mouth was very much like what used to spew out of my mother's mouth. The gaslighting, the blaming me for everything, all of it. This was unlike anything that has ever come out of my kid before.
People may think I'm insane for thinking this way, but just everything about the situation reeked of my mother's influence. The woman died back in August, yet she's somehow still managing to insert her influence in the lives of me and my kid? Yeah, not having that.
Now, keep in mind that I'm a witch. Not one of those airy-fairy crystal fucking pompom witches who are all love and light. No. I'm heir to a lot of darker magicks than this new-age stuff that keeps making the rounds. And sometimes you just have to make use of some of those darker abilities to give Karma a helping hand and/or foot.
My best friend is also a witch, but leans much more towards love and light than I do. She agrees that it's my mother speaking through my kid, but didn't offer up any suggestions for how to remove the bad influence. When I said that I was going to use a binding spell from the darker side of my heritage she actually agreed that it would be a good idea, especially as my mother had used darker magicks to claw her way in after her death.
After she had passed away I was plagued by nightmares where she figured very strongly in each of them, especially ones where she somehow managed to have my kid taken away from me. What was very telling is that in none of them my kid was not the age she is now, and the oldest she was in any of them was 15 - the age my kid was the last time my mother saw them. The settings were entirely in BC, before we'd moved away from the same city. And my mother gloated in each and every one of these nightmares because she'd won in them - she'd threatened to have my kid taken away from every time I did something she didn't agree with, which was a lot even though she never had any foot to stand on and would have lost absolutely everything if she'd pushed it.
Then I pushed her out of my subconscious - end of nightmares.
Things were okay. And then my kid starts heavily lashing out about things that she never had before. And then the gaslighting and blaming...all reeking of my mother's influence.
I removed her hooks from my kid, pulling something out of my bag of dark magick tricks. It took a lot out of me - I slept for 13 hours solid, didn't even wake up to my alarms (thank goodness I'm off work right now). The stupid thing is that I didn't remember to put my shields back up so she slid right back into my subconscious and triggered more nightmares. My kid is back to what passes as her version of normal, thankfully. But my mother is NOT happy. But I'm pissed, which never ends well for the person/people I'm pissed at. Yet, I'm trying to give her a chance to get out and stay out of our lives of her own volition so that she will have a chance at another Turn of the Wheel, a chance to return and learn the life lessons she clearly missed during her most recent time on this realm. If at any time she decides to revisit us - in any way - she is going get her metaphysical ass tossed into Oblivion and never escape. Yes, she's got do to some time in a less than desirable place to atone for what she put people through in this lifetime, but at least she'd get another Turn. If she continues on her current path she'll be gone forever.
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