Medical update and other stuff

So, I had my first face-to-face doctor's appointment today since the whole pandemic thing started. I guess it went well enough.

Wellbutrin is being added to the list of meds I take daily. I'm already on the max dose of Effexor and I will still be taking that - Wellbutrin is supposed to boost the effectiveness of the Effexor and help with the depression and anxiety that has been making my life hell for the past few weeks. It may be related to the whole pandemic thing and not knowing if/when my hours at work will pick back up, but considering I've been on the same dose for Effexor for over three years, it's really not too much of a surprise that this change is needed.

Also, I finally made the decision to get my first mammogram. I turn 48 on Monday, and all types of cancer run in my family. I really should have started getting mammograms much earlier...my old doctor in BC wanted me to start getting them back then, but I was scared shitless of the pain. But now I'm more scared shitless of cancer and the idea of discovering it too late to do anything to save my life.

In that same vein, my doctor is going to be sending off a requisition to get me in with a dermatologist to get a mole on my back checked out. It's grown and changed colour in recent weeks, and with cancer already being in my family (and already having two moles removed for the same reason...thankfully the results for those came back benign), it only makes sense to get on top of this too. And perhaps the dermatologist can check out the rest of the odd moles I have on my body. I know I wouldn't mind having the one on my chin removed, even if it's not cancerous...it's just ugly.

My blood pressure is also a bit higher than it should be, so one of my Rampiril prescription is being increased. Being diabetic means that we have to keep a close eye on that too, and seeing as how I already take it anyway, it's not that big of a deal.

I think I have *finally* come to terms with the fact that I'm going to be taking meds for the rest of my life. My mental health stuff is primarily due to brain chemistry issues, and upon speaking to a good friend of mine who knows about this stuff I discovered that even if I were to get counseling I would still need to be on my meds because so much of the trauma I've endured happened during my formative years, and that really fucks with your brain chemistry. Mind you, trauma at any time will cause issues, but mine is so deep and extensive that meds are never going to be a stop-gap emergency thing for me until I get my head on straight. My head is NEVER going to be on entirely straight due to the chemical imbalance. It sucks, but there it is.

I've been doing a lot of thinking and writing about the things that have happened in my life, and I find that it helps to an extent. I've finally forgiven my mother for the shit that was my childhood - she has been dealing with her own mental health issues all her life but ignoring the very real need to get professional help or take meds. I will not forget what she has done as that is impossible, but it is easier to deal with knowing that it was largely a product of her illness(es). It will not make it easier to deal with her, especially when she's flying off the handle over one stupid thing or another, but I haven't had to deal with that side of my mother for years because I simply shut down the conversation. I don't have time for that bullshit.

And tonight I have a decision to make - quit my hotel job and go back to work at McDonald's, or stay put. I like the hotel job quite a bit, but then hours simply aren't there right now. And with not knowing what is going on with the replacement to the CERB I can't really afford to not work f/t hours any longer. Last month was the last month to be paid for CERB, and there was supposed to be something in place when it ended, but the Canadian government is dragging their feet, as usual. Ugh. That would be one less thing to worry about, and I'd happily stay put at the hotel if I knew for sure. I've already been told that I'd get f/t hours at McD's if I went back, and I'd be working at a smaller location than the one I was originally at, and get paid more than I do right now. Plus I'd be able to get dental and optical benefits again...something I've been without for way too long.

I'll talk to my boss when I go in, and let her know what the deal is. Either find me more hours, or I'm gone and you'll have to replace me. And considering that I can fill several holes they need filling for that company, they'd be stupid to let me go. But there it is, in a nutshell.

My doctor did give me the go-ahead to go back to fast food, so long as I pay attention to what my body is telling me. The pain is something we can deal with, although massage and whatnot is something I won't be able to afford until I get benefits again. So it would mean living on Aleve/naproxen until my benefits kick in. The odd day of pain every once in a while is one thing, but the last time I worked at McD's (in a much larger store) I was in agony by the end of my shift. So, I've definitely got something to think about.

Hopefully I will have my decision made by the end of my shift tonight. Especially as I only have three shifts next week.

Oh, before I forget. I filled in for a couple of days at one of the clinics that is under the umbrella for the company that owns the hotel I work at. In two days I impressed the hell out of everybody enough that they want me to come back on a permanent basis. Unfortunately that doesn't look like it will be happening anytime soon because the big boss is apparently a bit pissed at me because I stood up to her. She wanted me to work without any days off so I could cover my hotel shifts as well as shifts at the clinic. I told her point blank that I needed at least one day off a week, and that working non-stop like that is illegal as it is all for the same parent company. She didn't like that very much. Oh well, sucks to be her, because if I leave the company, they're effectively screwed.