Updates!
I know it's been several months since I last posted here. It's not because nothing has been going on in my life though. It's all down to depression and how far it's had me pulled down.
I've wanted to post things here but self-doubt has keep me quiet. I have even opened this page more than once with the intention to post something. Anything at all. But depression has been yelling in my ear that my words, my thoughts, and my emotions are not worth spilling out.
But I know that I need to start pulling myself out of my funk. Oh, I know that my depression is cyclical, but the cycles have no defined length, depths, or highs. I can be feeling okay about things and then cycle downwards with very little hope of preventing that slide down. Thankfully, the lows have not been as bad as they could have been, but they are still bad enough to keep me in bed - unless I have to go to work - and keep my home in a dreadful state.
I recently had a week of enforced captivity due to the massive storm that swept my province and saw my city locked in a state of emergency for all that time. Did I use that time to clean? Hell no. I spent much of that time in bed, like I usually do. I had the excuse of fighting a nasty cold (that I've been fighting for about three weeks now), and knowing that sleep helps the body heal and fight infections. Mind you, it was also during this time that my bed frame decided to betray me and break...when I was a kid it was fun to sleep on my mattress on the floor, but not so much as an adult. Wait, that's not quite right - my bed is surprisingly comfortable with the mattress being directly on the floor, it's the getting out of the damn thing that is not much fun.
However, we survived the nasty storm and the state of emergency in tact. We didn't even lose power like so many other islanders, and we weren't doing too badly in terms of food either. It probably helps that I currently work at a grocery store and tend to pick up things there, although that wasn't an option during the state of emergency. I did go into work the first day that they allowed the grocery stores to be open - nobody knew if it was going to be a one day thing or not, so I made sure to pick up a few necessities that we'd run out of or were close to running out of - and that made a difference, but it also reminded me of why I don't like working days at a grocery store. Just too many people, too much noise, and no real way to escape it long enough to not be entirely overwhelmed by the end of my shift. I went home and slept for about ten hours before I felt at all recharged.
And now the powers that be at work have decided to cut hours. Even though the deal had been that I only left my previous job if I got a minimum of 32 hours at this one. Twenty-four hours at minimum wage, even with the overnight shift differential, is not enough to live on. So, because they clearly reneged on the deal, I'm looking for a new job...and I've already had a phone interview for one that has me going into their office next week (provided the upcoming winter storm isn't as bad as being predicted) for orientation, and waiting to schedule an interview for another one for next week. Both jobs are for more pay and more hours, and I hope I manage to land one of them because my current job is bullshit. And as they clearly don't value me, I'm likely not going to be giving any sort of notice when I quit either. In a way I feel bad, but at the same time I can't afford to stay on there either.
Also, I've been given three months to get my diabetes under control before my doctor puts me on insulin. I'm type 2, yes, but if meds aren't working out then it's common for type 2 diabetics to have to supplement with insulin. And that scares the shit out of me. As a result, I've made some major dietary changes, including dropping refined sugars and a lot of carbs from my diet. I've actually started eating quinoa instead of rice or mashed potatoes! Am I taking my meds properly? Well...not so much, largely because I don't have health benefits through work so I don't take full doses, and that's when I remember to take them at all. I know it's not good, but diabetes meds aren't cheap to begin with. Although I'm looking into the provincial drug plan to help cover some of the costs, especially if it turns out that I have no choice but go on insulin.
Which reminds me, I need to go eat something. A snack of fresh cucumber and green pepper strips might be in order.
I've wanted to post things here but self-doubt has keep me quiet. I have even opened this page more than once with the intention to post something. Anything at all. But depression has been yelling in my ear that my words, my thoughts, and my emotions are not worth spilling out.
But I know that I need to start pulling myself out of my funk. Oh, I know that my depression is cyclical, but the cycles have no defined length, depths, or highs. I can be feeling okay about things and then cycle downwards with very little hope of preventing that slide down. Thankfully, the lows have not been as bad as they could have been, but they are still bad enough to keep me in bed - unless I have to go to work - and keep my home in a dreadful state.
I recently had a week of enforced captivity due to the massive storm that swept my province and saw my city locked in a state of emergency for all that time. Did I use that time to clean? Hell no. I spent much of that time in bed, like I usually do. I had the excuse of fighting a nasty cold (that I've been fighting for about three weeks now), and knowing that sleep helps the body heal and fight infections. Mind you, it was also during this time that my bed frame decided to betray me and break...when I was a kid it was fun to sleep on my mattress on the floor, but not so much as an adult. Wait, that's not quite right - my bed is surprisingly comfortable with the mattress being directly on the floor, it's the getting out of the damn thing that is not much fun.
However, we survived the nasty storm and the state of emergency in tact. We didn't even lose power like so many other islanders, and we weren't doing too badly in terms of food either. It probably helps that I currently work at a grocery store and tend to pick up things there, although that wasn't an option during the state of emergency. I did go into work the first day that they allowed the grocery stores to be open - nobody knew if it was going to be a one day thing or not, so I made sure to pick up a few necessities that we'd run out of or were close to running out of - and that made a difference, but it also reminded me of why I don't like working days at a grocery store. Just too many people, too much noise, and no real way to escape it long enough to not be entirely overwhelmed by the end of my shift. I went home and slept for about ten hours before I felt at all recharged.
And now the powers that be at work have decided to cut hours. Even though the deal had been that I only left my previous job if I got a minimum of 32 hours at this one. Twenty-four hours at minimum wage, even with the overnight shift differential, is not enough to live on. So, because they clearly reneged on the deal, I'm looking for a new job...and I've already had a phone interview for one that has me going into their office next week (provided the upcoming winter storm isn't as bad as being predicted) for orientation, and waiting to schedule an interview for another one for next week. Both jobs are for more pay and more hours, and I hope I manage to land one of them because my current job is bullshit. And as they clearly don't value me, I'm likely not going to be giving any sort of notice when I quit either. In a way I feel bad, but at the same time I can't afford to stay on there either.
Also, I've been given three months to get my diabetes under control before my doctor puts me on insulin. I'm type 2, yes, but if meds aren't working out then it's common for type 2 diabetics to have to supplement with insulin. And that scares the shit out of me. As a result, I've made some major dietary changes, including dropping refined sugars and a lot of carbs from my diet. I've actually started eating quinoa instead of rice or mashed potatoes! Am I taking my meds properly? Well...not so much, largely because I don't have health benefits through work so I don't take full doses, and that's when I remember to take them at all. I know it's not good, but diabetes meds aren't cheap to begin with. Although I'm looking into the provincial drug plan to help cover some of the costs, especially if it turns out that I have no choice but go on insulin.
Which reminds me, I need to go eat something. A snack of fresh cucumber and green pepper strips might be in order.
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