Owning up to some of my shit...realizing how much of a bitch I was to a good friend...
So, I ran into the person who removed me from their FB several months ago, and we had a chat.
I'm still not entirely sure how I feel about what we discussed concerning her removing me and my FB post afterwards, but I'm giving her a chance. Afterall, she was there for me when I was at my worst a few years back and it's difficult to walk away from a friendship like that.
At the same time though, I know I will likely never trust her the way I used to. Especially when she was saying that part of the reason she blocked me was over things she states I'd posted prior to her removing me...when I know I didn't post any of those things until afterwards. Either way, I know I had voiced some of those things to people outside of FB and social media so perhaps somebody had overheard and went running to her.
I know that during the time all of that went down that I was in a dark place. My depression was spiraling out of control due to a horrifically stressful job that led me to going on stress leave...a stress leave that saw me spending 75% of my time in bed, usually sleeping. Depression is a bitch, yo. And then I found a new job that I'd already figured out within the first couple of days was not a good fit for me, and there was a lot of depression surrounding that whole thing as well. Especially because I felt like I *had* to continue on at this job that left me barely able to move by the end of my shift.
And then I thought I'd caught a break by finding a job that wouldn't be as back breaking. Plus, I was working nights, which I thought would be ideal because I'm very much a night owl. Only to have my body betray me here as well - carpal tunnel made my life hell for at least a month, where I had to live with my wrist brace on for all that time, taking it off to bath and to wash the brace itself, and my sleep pattern go right to shit. Sleeping in 1.5-2 hour spurts is not my idea of fun. Neither is spending the first day of my two days off in bed, alternating between sleep and apathy.
As I've posted before, my hours got cut so I started looking for a new job. Which I've found, and I start this coming Monday. And I needed to find a couple of black shirts/blouses to wear for this new job...which is how I ran into the person I mentioned at the start of this post. She works at one of the stores I went to.
Of course we spoke about that whole time period, and she made it abundantly clear that she was hurt by my assumptions and the comments other people made about the situation. Even though these assumptions were made after the discovery that she'd removed me from FB without any previous discussion to find out why I'd pretty much dropped off the face of the planet...and I drop off the face of the planet often so it shouldn't have come as a great surprise to anybody. Yet communication is a two-way street and she hadn't reached out to me either. But I digress.
I know I was hurt as well because I couldn't figure out what I'd done so wrong to be unceremoniously dropped as a friend. Yes, we had our issues, but no friendship is absolutely perfect.
At this time we've mended that fence, and now it's time to see where things go from here. But I know I will be wary.
I'm still not entirely sure how I feel about what we discussed concerning her removing me and my FB post afterwards, but I'm giving her a chance. Afterall, she was there for me when I was at my worst a few years back and it's difficult to walk away from a friendship like that.
At the same time though, I know I will likely never trust her the way I used to. Especially when she was saying that part of the reason she blocked me was over things she states I'd posted prior to her removing me...when I know I didn't post any of those things until afterwards. Either way, I know I had voiced some of those things to people outside of FB and social media so perhaps somebody had overheard and went running to her.
I know that during the time all of that went down that I was in a dark place. My depression was spiraling out of control due to a horrifically stressful job that led me to going on stress leave...a stress leave that saw me spending 75% of my time in bed, usually sleeping. Depression is a bitch, yo. And then I found a new job that I'd already figured out within the first couple of days was not a good fit for me, and there was a lot of depression surrounding that whole thing as well. Especially because I felt like I *had* to continue on at this job that left me barely able to move by the end of my shift.
And then I thought I'd caught a break by finding a job that wouldn't be as back breaking. Plus, I was working nights, which I thought would be ideal because I'm very much a night owl. Only to have my body betray me here as well - carpal tunnel made my life hell for at least a month, where I had to live with my wrist brace on for all that time, taking it off to bath and to wash the brace itself, and my sleep pattern go right to shit. Sleeping in 1.5-2 hour spurts is not my idea of fun. Neither is spending the first day of my two days off in bed, alternating between sleep and apathy.
As I've posted before, my hours got cut so I started looking for a new job. Which I've found, and I start this coming Monday. And I needed to find a couple of black shirts/blouses to wear for this new job...which is how I ran into the person I mentioned at the start of this post. She works at one of the stores I went to.
Of course we spoke about that whole time period, and she made it abundantly clear that she was hurt by my assumptions and the comments other people made about the situation. Even though these assumptions were made after the discovery that she'd removed me from FB without any previous discussion to find out why I'd pretty much dropped off the face of the planet...and I drop off the face of the planet often so it shouldn't have come as a great surprise to anybody. Yet communication is a two-way street and she hadn't reached out to me either. But I digress.
I know I was hurt as well because I couldn't figure out what I'd done so wrong to be unceremoniously dropped as a friend. Yes, we had our issues, but no friendship is absolutely perfect.
At this time we've mended that fence, and now it's time to see where things go from here. But I know I will be wary.
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