Thank goodness for some cooler weather!

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I've got a day off and the weather is cool enough for to not feel like I'm melting to death in my apartment. Which means I can hopefully get my bedroom uncluttered and unfucked so that I can actually make use of the entire room once again.

Let me tell you: depression and anxiety can be complete bitches that can leave your life and your home a disaster. And my home has been edging very much into the disaster zone.

Take my bedroom, for example.

It's hit disaster level and I no longer have a floor. I can't find most of my clothes so I keep buying more even though I know I should just clean my room to find what I already have. But...and there is always a but...I have not had the mental fortitude to simply fight with the mess and do what needs to be done.

However, today I hope to get at least half the clutter cleared out of my bedroom so I can find the clothing I know is hiding under the mess, get the laundry bagged up, and get it on the go. I also plan on the accumulated crap that I have no intention of using.

I have a lot of clothing that has been given to me that I've held onto partly out of feeling like some sort of loyalty to the person who gave that clothing to me. I no longer have that sense of loyalty holding me back. And even if I was interested in dying any of it black, I don't like the way any of it fits or looks on me. So it's more than time for me to get rid of that stuff and stop holding onto the past. A past that had its time and should be left where it belongs.

The more time I've had to think about a former friend, the more I realize that it is for the best that the friendship has dissolved. I began to feel more and more like I was a project, somebody who needed to be changed to fit their idea of what is 'appropriate'. Turning a Goth into a prep was never going to work - even though when the friendship started I was in a state of flux as I was trying to figure out who I was once again after years of trying to fit in with the status quo. If she'd befriended me a few years before there is a chance that I would not have turned back to my Goth roots...at least not right away. Oh well, such is life.

Anyhow, back to the housework that I need to deal with. Before I give up on it again.

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