Random Ramblings Are Random

So, I am slowly returning to the SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism) - so much has changed since I last played, and a very large part of me is worried that if I lay out the money to build a new garb wardrobe and all that fun stuff that I will be told that I can't actually go back, that the information I was given a few months ago was completely incorrect. Which is why I haven't taken the step of getting a paid membership yet. Plus, I was debating whether or not to use my old SCA persona or create a new one. My tastes have changed a great deal since I last played, and I suppose I want to remove myself from the painful memories of my former time in the SCA. Back when a lot of people I thought were friends turned out to be anything but. I had planned on getting back into rapier fighting but carpal tunnel pain has reared its ugly head in the worst way since I was originally diagnosed with carpal tunnel syndrome. I think it's due in a very large part to my current job, bu...

I'm finally tackling one of the biggest triggers in my home in terms of depression - my bedroom. It's been an absolute disaster for way too long and I'm finally in the head space to deal with it after over a year of it slowly getting to the point where I couldn't access my closet or dresser, and I had no visible carpet. I have made some attempts at starting to clear the mess out but I got too overwhelmed and I would start to have a panic attack just trying to figure out where to start. Until yesterday when I felt mentally well enough to be able to make another attempt. This has been my most successful attempt in years - countless bags of garbage and old, hoarded clothing are now sitting in my living room to wait for tomorrow night so I can put them on the curb before I leave for work, and I have a carpet once again. It's far from finished but it is closer than it has been in ages, and I actually feel like I'll be able to get it completed tonight. And then af...

Updates! So, the ex has blocked me...likely for not responding to him asking me to see a movie. Like, dude, we are no longer together and I'm not interested in trying again. Having you stay with me for a week reminded me about why I didn't try to get you back and why I was planning on breaking up with you anyway. But thank you for leaving your potatoes and onions behind, I guess. Considering you never did throw any money my way like you said you were going to. I'm working overnights finally, and so far it hasn't been too bad. Well, other than the fact that the woman who is nominally my boss for my section is sort of useless, and one of the ladies who sometimes works a few hours in the section is pretty clueless despite having been there longer than I have. I knew we were behind in planograms, but it was insane just how far behind we were...even though it's not like they were being done correctly in the first place!

Yesterday it was so nice to be able to come home after work and sit in my own living room to watch something on Netflix without having to worry about the ex saying or doing something what would piss me off. The first couple of days he was here I tried to ignore his comments about stuff, but he would come out with some of the most stupid things. I swear that he has no concept of what real life is and would constantly say how something couldn't be real...even though it was staring him in the face. He still couldn't get over the fact that I do not need to smoke pot on a daily basis. Or that even though my bedroom light is on that I could sleep. Or just any number of things. The day that he moved out he was up the earliest he's been up since he first came to stay with me. Probably because he wanted to get a hold of somebody to come move his shit. Of course, he learned the hard way that you can't just call a moving company and expect to move that day - I had already ex...

The ex has found his own place! Thank fuck because I have been very much losing my mind over the past few days. I guess me telling him that he had to get his shit together and start making an effort to find a place or he'd be out on his ass at the end of the week actually did something. He thought I was kidding, and attempted to use several excuses to explain away his lack of motivation for finding a place. I know that he'd been hoping that I'd invite him to stay and agree to dating him again. Ugh. As if. I'm pretty much asexual at this point anyway, and he certainly didn't do much to help the situation. I know myself well enough to admit to myself that when he and I were dating before it was because I'd hoped that maybe I had found somebody I would be compatible with. Obviously, he and I are NOT compatible enough to attempt a romantic relationship ever again, and it was wrong for us to try the first time around. I think what gets me the most is h...

I may be certifiably insane... So, my ex got into a fight with his landlord's son and spent a night in jail. The next day a judge told him that he could not return home due to the fact that he lived with his landlord. This meant that he messaged me asking for a place to stay because he had nowhere to go. I told him that I had to run it past my kid first because the last thing I want is to have my kid pissed off over sharing a place with somebody they don't particularly care for. My kid agreed to it being temporary only, which I'm in full agreement with. So, I let my ex know that he could stay but it was only for a short time, and he had to be making an effort to find a new place. Yeah. So far he's made NO effort to look for a new place, and keeps coming up with excuses. He also can't seem to get his head around the fact that I do not want to spend all my free time around him. If he needs to go to the store for something he can go by himself - it's re...

Today I ran into my ex, and it surprised me that he wanted to talk if I had a moment. As it's a day off for me, I said yep, I had time. I bought him a coffee and we chatted for over an hour. He actually apologized for breaking up with me the way he did, that at the time he had a lot on his plate, and that he wasn't sure if he could handle how my depression manifests. Apparently he regrets how he handled how he felt and whatnot. And he's looking for a friend. I told him that I am more than willing to be friends with him (especially now that he's apologized...that's a first for me because none of my other exes have apologized for a damn thing), and that I fully understand that he had a lot going on at the time. He was finally coming to terms that he's got some mental health issues of his own going on, and, as is typical in those situations, he dropped a lot of relationships, including those with friends. He's also realized that due to his actions that he...