Same pandemic, different day. But definitely different anxiety creeping up.
At least we aren't completely locked down again. But for the past month I have still been working at a hotel, despite us losing a good portion of the revenue that we usually expect over the Valentine's Day weekend...actually all of February. One nice thing though is that I got to spend three nights in a room and had the use of the jacuzzi whirlpool tub in the room all those nights.
But that still doesn't do a damn thing about the anxiety and how different this lockdown felt. I know during the first one there were some periods where I felt overwhelmed but I was generally able to work through it to some extent. The pandemic and the issues it raised was on the proverbial back burner of my brain, but this time around it's front and center. And I hate it.
Add that to the fact that I've been dealing with a manager who doesn't seem to believe in communication with the entire team. Sure, there's only two of us at the front desk right now, but I hate not knowing the right way to do something until after I've done that thing to the best of my ability and knowledge. I may have told the manager in question that I had asked her what I needed to know before I did the thing, and she didn't tell me. All she asked was if I'd done the thing...and then gave me shit for not doing it right. Ugh. No wonder there was such a high employee turn-over when she was in charge of just the hotel.
I'm supposed to be coming up with a short story (7500 words) to submit to a LGBTQ+ anthology, but I'm drawing blanks. Do I write about my own experiences, or about how shitty my mother took finding out her grandkid was identifying as non-binary, or...well, there are just so many things. And all the req lists as requirements is that the short story has be written by a LGBTQ+ person, or be a story that includes it. Woo? They do say to write what you know...but I know that I could likely write an entire series about the shit my mother has pulled over the years. I have until the end of the month to submit it, but...yeah. I hate deadlines sometimes.
I think what's not helping me a whole lot is my depression and anxiety deciding to go to war. Oh, I'm managing to go to work as I don't really have to think much, and because my decisions at work don't directly affect me it's easy to just go with the flow. But when it comes to something I need to do - such as housework and writing - I just flounder.
And to top things off, thanks to the most recent lockdown my two medical scans were cancelled with a reschedule in the future. I had been looking forward to finding out what was wrong with my stomach, and if there is anything of concern in my breasts. But I won't find out now until I get rescheduled...and hopefully that is soon! And I know that the next time I go in to see my doctor I'm going to push for an appointment to be made with a breast reduction specialist - I keep going down in band size, but up in cup size. You'd think that my breasts would shrink right along side the rest of me, but nope. The breast tissue itself isn't changing - it's really the same size as it always was, but more is being exposed as I lose inches. And I've lost over 30 pounds since my doctor told me that I was too big to be considered for a reduction. Yeah, well, my back begs to differ! I can't even get comfortable in my office chair at home because of the weight on my chest. And my chair isn't exactly a cheap one either!
In other news, my blood sugars have been doing really good. It used to be that in the morning I'd wake up with a really high glucose level, but now I wake up to reading of 4.5 to 6.7. Yes, that's a good level to be at. I do really notice it when I'm at the lower end though - I'm dizzy and nauseous until I get food into me. But it will hopefully mean that when I get my next round of blood tests done that my A1C will come back within decent parameters. I have no idea about my liver proteins or cholesterol though...I am taking the meds I've been prescribed, but that's not something I can check daily like I can my blood sugar. I wish I could, but such is life.
I have also spent way more money on Shein than I probably should have. I've gotten a few cute things off the site, but too many of their tops just aren't as long as I prefer! Or there's something that needs to be fixed (such as the cuff on a really pretty blouse where it was attached backwards). I'll fix up or repurpose what I can, and then toss the rest. I'm sure somebody as some thrift store will appreciate the clothing.
Anyhow, I'm at work so I should probably try to do something productive here while I wait for tonight's guests to arrive. I hate waiting -_-
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