The day I left my last place I weighed myself and found I was 214lbs.

When I weighed myself three days ago, I found I was 200lbs.

It explained why my usual work pants have started falling off my ass lately.

So, with that in mind, I have picked up a couple new pairs of jeans. Well, new to me. Hello Value Village!

If I could get away with wearing leggings at work, I absolutely would. But leggings don't belong in a gas station environment. Hell, they don't belong in most work environments. This means I basically live in jeans or jeggings (not those cheap printed-on type either). Stretch denim for the win. Seriously. And because I hate baggy legged pants on me in general I always go for skinny jeans.

Yes, I'm well aware of the opinion a lot of people have about fat people wearing skinny jeans. But so many larger people that wear these kinds of pants tend to wear at least two sizes two small for their body. I get it, but there is nothing worse than a muffin top rolling over the top of your pants, and no matter how big your top is it isn't going to disguise that. The trick is to get pants that fit properly in the first place. And don't cheat by buying low rise jeans when you're a heifer like me - you want no less than mid-rise jeans, preferably high-rise, to help hold your belly in place instead of having it roll over your pants' waistband. Oh, and wear underwear that doesn't cut into your legs and waist because that will show under even the best fitting pair of skinny jeans.

Now, I haven't always been the best at choosing clothing that fits or suits my body shape and style. There's a reason I lived in leggings and stretch pants for a lot of years. And not just because it was almost impossible to find normal jeans in my size when I was a lot bigger than I am now. I didn't know how to dress myself. I either wore clothes that were miles too big and rather shapeless, or too tight and showed off more fat than I ever wanted. That was largely because when I was skinny (pre-baby) I knew what fit and what looked decent on me. After I gained all that weight and continued gaining - my heaviest was 265lbs - I had no idea what I could wear that would look at least halfway decent and I'd be comfortable in.

You have to realize that in the early to mid 90s that most clothing for fat women was horrible. Polyester pants with elastic waistbands, ugly sweatpants and sweatshirts, shapeless dresses that hung like potato sacks. Keep in mind that I was Goth before becoming a parent, so there was NOTHING I actually liked. And I didn't really know how to sew back then either, so trying to make clothes I liked wasn't going to happen. I was a mess.

Then I went to university where my regular clothing consisted of whatever pair of jeans I could squeeze my ass into (often from Reitmans because they had stretchy jeans available) and a t-shirt with a baggy sweatshirt over top. I owned a couple pair of yoga pants that also got tossed into the rotation on a regular basis too. I think I owned a couple of nice, but ill-fitting dressy tops, and maybe one pair of dress pants. Oh, and a couple of nice sweaters. But nothing that was truly my style. Goth, remember?

When I wanted to start exploring my Goth side again, I didn't know where to start. I knew how to dress Goth as a skinny person, but I had no clue how to dress Goth as a fat person. Even now my Goth style is an ever-evolving work. When I don't want to put much effort into it, I'm very casual Goth...not including those times when I look like a normie, with not a stitch of black on me. When I put in effort a lot depends on my mood, but I seem to tend more towards post-apocalyptic styling. Sort of. I guess I just blend a lot of things into my overall look. Yes, there's fishnet. Yes, there's platform boots. Yes, there is a LOT of black. I love flowy skirts and sleeves, but I also love artistically ragged hems. I'm not overly fond of lace, but it has it's place in my wardrobe sometimes. I love the Romantic Goth aesthetic, but I don't like how billowing fabric looks on me. Plus, there's so much lace. Gross.

I do sometimes wear colours other than black. Surprising, I know. I love rich jewel tones and various shades of grey. My jeans are often dark blue rather than black because I love blue jeans with black ripped shirts. At the moment I'm wearing a dress that is mostly black but has large pink and white cheery blossoms all over it. It's comfy, stretchy, and cool to wear on a hot day like today.

For now though, I'd better go throw those new jeans into the wash so they are ready for me to wear for work tomorrow!