So, I've been doing my best to maintain the clean parts of my apartment and I've been poking away at the mess that still needs to be cleared out. But the place is looking way better than it has in ages! I'd say that I've got every reason to be proud of myself for the progress I've been seeing lately.
In other news, I'm really beginning to hate winter with a passion that I only used to feel for the spectacularly hot days of summer. It probably wouldn't be so bad if the snow would just fuck off and stay gone, and that the winter storms wouldn't threaten to shut down the city. Mind you, if I could find a place the same size closer to work I probably wouldn't bitch quite so much. Or even at the same price point for something similar.
Having to bus from downtown to work is for the fucking birds. It's bad enough when the weather is cooperating, but on those days where the weather is as shitty as it currently is? Well, it sucks donkey balls. Honestly, if I could have figured out a way around it, I would have stayed home and just come in tomorrow to deal with two days of paperwork. But I didn't feel right not showing up at all, so there it is.
What I plan on doing though is going home as soon as I can and maybe crashing for an hour before 1) doing a German lesson on Duolingo and 2) a bit of guitar practice.
I will say that my German is coming along better than I expected but that may have a lot to do with the fact that I listen to German songs. Particularly Rammstein songs. I'm currently a little obsessed with their music, if I'm being quite honest. Maybe it's from having been partially raised by my German dad, or there's just something in the music and lyrics that strikes a certain chord within my soul. I have also realized that I've known more German than I realized...I'd say it was from the semester of German I took when I was in university, but I think it's more visceral than that. It's like it's the language of my heart and soul. Or maybe I'm just fucking insane. Meh. Whatever. At least I feel something when I listen to it and that's what matters the most to me right now.
I don't think I've updated since before I had my consultation with a plastic surgeon over getting a breast reduction. Hmm. Anyhow, I'd thought it was going to be a complete waste of time after my short chat with the receptionist at the surgeon's clinic...she advised me that due to my BMI being as high as it is that he wouldn't even look at me. Totally missing that my file says that while my BMI *is* high that I've been slowly shedding the excess fat I've been carrying around for way too long, and that with every band size I go down for my bras, that I go up a cup size - my tits aren't all fat, thank you very much, you useless twat. Even the mammograms I've had the misfortune of having to get done yearly show that my breasts are mostly mammary tissue. While I know that I'm overweight (I still have 50lbs to go before I hit my goal weight) that I'm not classified as obese anymore. I'm not longer even a candidate for gastric sleeve surgery...not that I seriously contemplated something so invasive. Not that breast reduction surgery isn't invasive, of course, but I'd happily go under the knife if it lessens the pain in my shoulders and upper back.
Anyhow, I managed to not have my appointment get cancelled on me after I advocated rather profusely for myself. And when I saw the doctor he agreed that I'm a candidate for the reduction surgery. He even went so far as to explain everything the surgery would entail, from the type of incisions, healing time, complications, and everything. All things that he wouldn't have bothered touching on if he was going to reject me for the surgery. At this point we are going to touch base in July, partially to see if I can lose any more weight, but the answer was not the flat-out 'no' I was expecting after my conversation with his receptionist.
As it stands right now, trying to exercise is pretty much futile - the weight from my breasts is too much for me to do cardio without additional pain and stress, regardless of how I strap my tits down. I mean, I could probably make a corset for working out in, but being that tightly bound is not a good idea in the first place. And I have yet to find a sports bra that actually fits so that I don't fall out the bottom or surge over the top of. I've even looked at the really expensive bras and none of them would help to actually keep everything in place either. They aren't built for people who are naturally as large a cup as I am. Hell, I just ordered a 38K bra, knowing that I could better fit a 36L if I could find one I could afford. I'm currently squished into a 38J with the band clipped in at its smallest. Ugh.
In the meantime, I should probably get my ass in gear so that I can get some stuff down around here before I try to catch a bus home. I know that I could just head to my kid's place and spend the night there, but I would honestly rather sleep in my own bed with my cat curled up beside me. If the couch at my daughter's place was more comfortable I probably would spend the night there anyway, but with my back already hurting it's probably just as well that I go home. And hope that the bus is running tomorrow morning when I need to get to work...oh joy -_-
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