Random Ramblings Are Random

 ...and I'm working at the hotel that night. But if it isn't super busy I may get to leave a bit early. I usually try to book the evening off, but right now I need all the hours I can get. And I will still have time to do my usual Samhain stuff after work anyway. Not to long ago M asked if we could hang out when I get off work that night, and I was very non-committal because I really did not want to give her the idea that I was at all comfortable with being around her much. And honestly, I didn't want to be around somebody who is a complete fraud anyway. But now that is not even a concern - M fucked up a few days ago by telling me that I admitted defeat by accepting the fact that I am bi-polar and take meds to keep it under control instead of just allowing my mental illnesses to control my life. Yeah. That was the absolute final straw for me. Just because she wants to justify her own behaviour by blaming her mental illnesses, she feels that she has somehow won? Fuck that no...

Like everyone on the planet, I have to do laundry. I also have way more clothing than I will ever need, with a good chunk of it stuff I've been given and will never wear or stuff that I no longer wear for whatever reason. Due to having been poor as fuck for a lot of years I have a hard time getting rid of the accumulated clothing because at one point I was desperate enough to wear what I had even if I didn't like it because I couldn't even afford to go to a thrift store to buy more. Now, that is certainly not the case as I can afford to buy brand new clothing. Sure, a lot of it is from Walmart or online from places like Zulily, but still. It's brand new, never been worn by anybody else, and it's more to my style. Yet, I still keep accepting clothing that people want to give me...even though I really don't need it. Some of it can and will be turned into a different piece of clothing at some point, but some of it will never grace my body in a million years. But st...

It's my 48th birthday, and it's been a nice, quiet day. I spent a good chunk of it with a very good friend who paid for dinner and drove me around to a few places while we mostly hung out, talking about anything and everything. She knows that I don't like having a huge fuss made about my birthday, although I am hoping to do a big celebration for my 50th...or as big of a celebration as a person who doesn't like a lot of people can muster! It's also day two taking my new meds and I'm glad that I didn't have to walk to far or work...I'm having a hard time focusing and my head feels fuzzy. It's pretty normal for me when I start on new meds. Thankfully I can touch type really well, so I don't have to worry about staring at my laptop's keyboard while trying to make my eyes focus. I have a really early shift on Wednesday so I'm hoping that I will be feeling better by then because it would suck to have to call out due to the med change. At least ...

My kid has been identifying as non- binary for several years, but today the declared that they are female. Still likes using they/them pronouns but is perfectly okay with she/her as well. I announced it on FB and let my brother know. My brother and I had a chat about how our mother is going to react when she finally finds out that she has a grand-daughter and not a grand-son. We both believe that the reaction isn't going to be a pretty one. Considering her reaction when I informed her that my kid was identifying as non-binary ages ago, it's going to be interesting. To put it mildly, this may be what puts into a mental ward again. But such is life. If she can't accept my kid's happiness, then she can go to hell.

So, I had my first face-to-face doctor's appointment today since the whole pandemic thing started. I guess it went well enough. Wellbutrin is being added to the list of meds I take daily. I'm already on the max dose of Effexor and I will still be taking that - Wellbutrin is supposed to boost the effectiveness of the Effexor and help with the depression and anxiety that has been making my life hell for the past few weeks. It may be related to the whole pandemic thing and not knowing if/when my hours at work will pick back up, but considering I've been on the same dose for Effexor for over three years, it's really not too much of a surprise that this change is needed. Also, I finally made the decision to get my first mammogram. I turn 48 on Monday, and all types of cancer run in my family. I really should have started getting mammograms much earlier...my old doctor in BC wanted me to start getting them back then, but I was scared shitless of the pain. But now I'm more...