Mental health down the tubes and affecting my physical health...rare mental health update
I don't often write about my mental health these days, so this is going to be that rare post.
I was off sick from work for the past week, complete with a doctor's note due to how sick I've been for entirely too long. My physical health was finally in a place where I was actually worried - I even took myself to the ER to get looked at. Usually I just muddle through as best as I can, take whatever OTC meds recommended to help with my symptoms, and go from there.
But this round I'd been sick, one way or another, for well over two months. I've been spiking fevers for ages, and just wrote them off to hot flashes. But hot flashes aren't supposed to make you nauseous or give you the runs. Everything you consume is not supposed to come out the other end primarily as liquid. This past couple of weeks I fought off one of the worst bouts of cold/flu I've ever had - I'd managed to work through a week of it before leaving work last Monday halfway through my shift and taking myself to the hospital. This after a weekend where one of my ears decided to get in on the act, complete with extreme pain and loss of hearing before it finally popped and drained with a gross mess as a result. Where I dragged myself out for a bit because I was tired of staying at home all the damn time because I've missed out on so many things because I've been so sick for entirely too long.
Hell, I haven't been healthy enough to even drag myself to the gym since the end of February. The last time I attempted to work out I spend the rest of the day and the next feeling like I was about to die. Not really a good way to induce the desire to go back to the gym.
I went to the doctor today. And got the expected lecture about not taking care of my diabetes and neglecting to get my necessary blood panel done. I know that I have not been managing my diabetes properly, and with a phobia of needles getting in the way of getting the bloodwork done, well, it's been a clusterfuck. My doctor is fairly sure that I've been sick so long due to my diabetes being so unmanaged for entirely too long.
But that isn't why I'm still off work for at least the next two weeks.
I had a breakdown in the doctor's office. Not because my doctor was rightfully berating me for not managing my diabetes properly. It was because I know that I have hit the wall in terms of my job. Officially my job title is 'Retention Specialist', and under normal circumstances I'm sure I could do just fine in this job. Where the issues come in...where do I start? Hmmm. How about there being a giant lack of support to do your job in the first place, lack of communication, and a client that doesn't seem to give a rat's ass about the people actually taking these damn calls? The feeling of going into work without knowing what management is going to blame you for this time or demand that you do, despite it being a federal labour violation.
So, after puking and crying in my doctor's office at the very thought of going back to work, I'm off on medical leave for my mental health. I'm still not completely over the physical illness side of things so I do have an order to get my bloodwork done even though it's pretty clear I don't want to...largely because I'm convinced that I'm going to be told I need to go on insulin, despite my phobia of needles. And I honestly think that my inability to keep on track with my diabetes meds is tied to my mental health - when I'm at my lowest points I can't be bothered taking care of myself properly, including taking my very necessary meds that include my anti-depressants that are supposed to keep me from getting so low in the first place.
I did find out that because I'm off on medical leave that I can get fifteen weeks of medical EI, and, yes, I will be applying for that as soon as I'm able to. I just have to wait until my paycheque is issued for my ROE to be sent to EI electronically, and then I'm applying so I will have at least some funds coming in. So, here's to hoping that there aren't any snafus in getting those funds coming in while I work on getting better...and while I work on finding a different job. I'm not against doing call center work again, but I don't think I'll be able to return to this particular one at the end of it all.
So, for the next two weeks I plan on getting healthier, getting my bloodwork done, and applying pretty much anywhere hiring full-time (even if it's minimum wage) so long as it's not as stress-inducing as my current job. It says a lot when your job is bad enough that it makes you physically ill and does a number on your already precarious mental health.
I might even got more of my apartment cleaned up too, and that can only help with the depression side of things too, right? Right.
I was off sick from work for the past week, complete with a doctor's note due to how sick I've been for entirely too long. My physical health was finally in a place where I was actually worried - I even took myself to the ER to get looked at. Usually I just muddle through as best as I can, take whatever OTC meds recommended to help with my symptoms, and go from there.
But this round I'd been sick, one way or another, for well over two months. I've been spiking fevers for ages, and just wrote them off to hot flashes. But hot flashes aren't supposed to make you nauseous or give you the runs. Everything you consume is not supposed to come out the other end primarily as liquid. This past couple of weeks I fought off one of the worst bouts of cold/flu I've ever had - I'd managed to work through a week of it before leaving work last Monday halfway through my shift and taking myself to the hospital. This after a weekend where one of my ears decided to get in on the act, complete with extreme pain and loss of hearing before it finally popped and drained with a gross mess as a result. Where I dragged myself out for a bit because I was tired of staying at home all the damn time because I've missed out on so many things because I've been so sick for entirely too long.
Hell, I haven't been healthy enough to even drag myself to the gym since the end of February. The last time I attempted to work out I spend the rest of the day and the next feeling like I was about to die. Not really a good way to induce the desire to go back to the gym.
I went to the doctor today. And got the expected lecture about not taking care of my diabetes and neglecting to get my necessary blood panel done. I know that I have not been managing my diabetes properly, and with a phobia of needles getting in the way of getting the bloodwork done, well, it's been a clusterfuck. My doctor is fairly sure that I've been sick so long due to my diabetes being so unmanaged for entirely too long.
But that isn't why I'm still off work for at least the next two weeks.
I had a breakdown in the doctor's office. Not because my doctor was rightfully berating me for not managing my diabetes properly. It was because I know that I have hit the wall in terms of my job. Officially my job title is 'Retention Specialist', and under normal circumstances I'm sure I could do just fine in this job. Where the issues come in...where do I start? Hmmm. How about there being a giant lack of support to do your job in the first place, lack of communication, and a client that doesn't seem to give a rat's ass about the people actually taking these damn calls? The feeling of going into work without knowing what management is going to blame you for this time or demand that you do, despite it being a federal labour violation.
So, after puking and crying in my doctor's office at the very thought of going back to work, I'm off on medical leave for my mental health. I'm still not completely over the physical illness side of things so I do have an order to get my bloodwork done even though it's pretty clear I don't want to...largely because I'm convinced that I'm going to be told I need to go on insulin, despite my phobia of needles. And I honestly think that my inability to keep on track with my diabetes meds is tied to my mental health - when I'm at my lowest points I can't be bothered taking care of myself properly, including taking my very necessary meds that include my anti-depressants that are supposed to keep me from getting so low in the first place.
I did find out that because I'm off on medical leave that I can get fifteen weeks of medical EI, and, yes, I will be applying for that as soon as I'm able to. I just have to wait until my paycheque is issued for my ROE to be sent to EI electronically, and then I'm applying so I will have at least some funds coming in. So, here's to hoping that there aren't any snafus in getting those funds coming in while I work on getting better...and while I work on finding a different job. I'm not against doing call center work again, but I don't think I'll be able to return to this particular one at the end of it all.
So, for the next two weeks I plan on getting healthier, getting my bloodwork done, and applying pretty much anywhere hiring full-time (even if it's minimum wage) so long as it's not as stress-inducing as my current job. It says a lot when your job is bad enough that it makes you physically ill and does a number on your already precarious mental health.
I might even got more of my apartment cleaned up too, and that can only help with the depression side of things too, right? Right.
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